The Two Good Mums Name
It’s a pretty big statement calling ourselves Two Good Mums, so it probably deserves some explanation.
It’s an idea that evolved. At first we noticed similarities in our experiences or opinions, our interests and preferences and we started saying ‘Same same but different’. It became our little catch phrase, a way of expressing our various points of connection. I guess that’s how people develop friendships, by identifying what they have in common, rather than ways they are different. Seeing the ways that someone is similar to youself helps to break down barriers, helps to build trust, helps to turn ‘you and me’ into ‘us and we’.
Over the years I noticed that Laura was always there for the boys, she never let them down, she always gave of herself whatever she could, whatever they needed. It dawned on me that she was being the best Mum should could be under the circumstances, and it felt important to point that out to her. I wanted her to feel proud of her contribution to parenting the boys, and I wanted her to know that I valued her role in their lives. Me having access to Laura at the touch of a keyboard allowed the boys to feel more connected to their own stories, and made my job as an adoptive parent easier.
Sometimes people are surprised by our relationship, or my acceptance of Laura as the boys’ mother too, or even my positive feelings towards her, but why wouldn’t I want to feel warmly towards the mother of my children? If I can love two boys, why can’t they love two mums? And there it is, two mums, both doing the best we can for our two boys.
When we started talking about creating a podcast together I knew it just had to be called Two Good Mums, but Laura took some convincing. It wasn’t easy for her to think of herself as a good mum, let alone publicly claim to be one. When your children have been permanently removed from your care, when social workers and judges have decided you are not a ‘good enough’ parent, it must be incredibly difficult to stand up and say, I am a good Mum. Incredibly brave too. Eventually I convinced her, and I’m confident that people who listen to our podcast will agree that Two Good Mums is the right name for our story.